Thursday, August 28, 2008

..blood hunger doctrine..

What kind of person am I actually? I've been asking that question to myself for quiet a while. Am I too kind to some persons, that I actually set aside things even for myself. I always wonder how it is that I am willing to do the stuffs that I did, long after I even realize I. For one, I have great concern for the ones I really care the most in my life, and somehow I dont mind that it didnt give me anything back, and I happened to do this all the time. Why is it ok for me to still take care for her, even when I know that she's taken? Why do I always fall for the damsel in distress? Or like Jack Sparrow once quipped, a distressing damsel, quiet sarcastically.

In nature, I'm quiet the shy guy, but step by step I try to get away from my own stereotype self. Ever since I came back home to Malaysia 2 months ago, my aunts and uncles has said that I have differed somehow, more talkative, and more easy to get into a conversation to. I realise that this doesnt come from me alone, that along the way, she helped me, into being the one that I am now. Time and time again, I just couldnt frame myself away from her, and that I grew more and more attached to her. Is it because in my mind, I can see a bright light for us? Is it because in my irrational thoughts, she gives me hope and faith, and dont stop trying? Dont stop working? Dont stop...loving?

Though I know that I cant last like this forever. For the human that I am, I need to be comforted too, I need to be taken care off too. I sound quiet childish. Well perhaps I am. And I dont think I care. Because I dont think that anyone cares. They never do. Perhaps I'm better off alone. Perhaps its better that I dont hurt anyone else anymore, but myself. Yeah2 the age old cliche, "me against the world".. But its true though..Why being nice, when people are hardly being nice back to you? They always say that, dont things for granted. But what about me? Why dont you take me for granted? Why dont you fear that someday I'm away from you? Why dont you act like I will never ever make you a part of my life again? Why dont you?

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